I am ambitious, curious, hardworking, intelligent, curious, compassionate, clever, dedicated, and show initiative.

Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that I was going to be told “no,” get passed over, become the odd man out over and over and over again? Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that rejection was going to be inevitable and plentiful?

I grew up completely believing in the system, chugging down that Kool-Aid. I told myself that I needed to get good grades and lead school sports and extracurricular activities because then I could attend a prestigious college and graduate with numerous career opportunities that would lead me to success and happiness. I was dedicated to that dream, feeling superior and deserving of such a bright future. I was rewarded for my actions, receiving top grades, accolades, scholarships, and awards. It seemed that my future spelled success. I was not equipped to handle rejection. I wish I had been given some legitimate reality checks at a young age.

The few rejections I received early on in life were traumatic and heartbreaking and I let those initial experiences become the narrative of rejection in my life— it meant I wasn’t good enough, and would never be good enough. Rejection wasn’t absent from my childhood, but I had found my niche where rejection was the most infrequent— working hard to build myself a bright future. I simply ran from it.

In college, I heard over and over again that personal success resulted in the overlap between passion and talent. This was when I began to realize that the 9-5 was not as fulfilling and rewarding as I grew up believing, that happiness and success weren’t the same thing, and I started to dig deep in my soul searching. What were my values and talents other than working hard to build myself a bright future? I found that I was interested and proficient in almost anything, which sounds comforting, but has always been a little overwhelming— there was no clear path for me. I forced myself to decide on a few core values: quality time in nature, changing the world for the better, and traveling. These values always seemed a little selfish and vague and not something I could build a career from.

When I began the job and internship search, I was intent on working for organizations that were mission-driven and cutting-edge. Those criteria were what seemed to match my values best. And I was rejected over and over and over and over again. It was crushing. It didn’t make any sense to me. I took it personally, I took it hard. I was told to get more specific, grow my network, or follow a path that was similar to what my peers were pursuing (which usually seemed boring and greedy to me). I felt trapped. Why had I worked so hard to be shut down and handed options that were not at all appealing? How had I still not figured out where my passions and talents collided in a way that could drive my career?

To be honest, that’s still where I’m at. After I quit my “big girl job” in March 2022, I’ve been working odd jobs and being open to receiving “tugs from the universe” (hence, how Ricki’s Rants began). I’ve been on a soul-searching marathon of solo traveling, and I still haven’t narrowed anything down. Actually, I’ve learned that I can find happiness and fulfillment almost anywhere, which is so freeing, but definitely not grounding— it doesn’t feel like something to launch from. My values and interests have been upended, blasted open. I’ve learned that I have unique, appealing qualities. I’ve learned that rejection is an essential element of the journey. That everybody gets rejected. I’ve learned that I can accept not knowing how it’s going to work out, but trusting that it will. And realizing that in so many ways, it is already working out, even in unexpected ways.

Although I’ve begun to understand the inevitability and the helpfulness of rejection, I’m still not entirely sure what to do with it. Should I keep aiming for *that* goal? Is that goal really what I want and value? Is that goal valid, impactful, wise, achievable, net-positive? Do my talents and passions actually align with that goal? At what point should I switch gears or give up? Do the potential successes of achieving that goal outweigh the consequences and sacrifices? Does it mean I’m a quitter if I don’t see it through? Whose approval matters to me while I achieve this goal? Will they ever see my worth? Why don’t they see it now?

Many times I’ve felt I’m not smart enough and too obedient to understand the bigger picture, to scheme the system, to figure out how to identify and capitalize on achieving the next opportunity. Persuasion is an important element of navigating rejection that I never quite learned because I thought my energy and my work ethic would speak for themselves. It seemed manipulative to look beyond the assignment; I became a component of the system who was satisfied getting an “A”, not understanding that specific projects and classes could be instrumental beyond the syllabus. I think my soul-searching journey is enabling me to figure out which big pictures I’m willing to chase.

To sum up: I’m going to be told “no.” I’m going to be rejected. And that’s ok. I just have to learn from it and listen to my intuition.

I recently watched Colin in Black & White on Netflix, and although Colin Kaepernick has completely different life experiences and goals than I do, he ends the series with a letter to his former self, and this has been so healing for me:

“Trust your power. Even if you don’t see it, believe it, because you’re going to need it. Rejection will follow you and be there for you every step of your journey. It will come from people you love, people who don’t think you belong. Rejection is not failure— it’s a calibrator. It can help you learn who you are and what you want. Your path will sometimes be rough. When you face rejection and feel like you want to quit, when you see you’re rarely anyone’s first choice, trust your power. When they say you’re not their first choice, you’ll show them you were the right choice. You will learn to love who you are and not give a damn that who you are makes some people uncomfortable. No matter how much some people will try to control you, they cannot break you. You will learn to find beauty in the places where people tell you there is none. You will know who you are. To the underestimated, the overlooked, and the outcast, trust your power.”

So!!! Here’s to me accepting rejection and trusting my power.

Conversation Starters:

• Did any of this resonate with you?

• Anybody else farther along on the journey of accepting rejection and have some tips for me?

Resources/Inspiration/Additional Research:

Netflix Series: Colin in Black and White

Books:

• Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World by David Epstein

• Why “A” Students Work for “C” Students by Robert T. Kiyosaki