How many times in the last couple of years have you said, “I’m just figuring it out”?

Those words are usually sparked by someone saying, “Well, what’s next?” But does the person asking you this genuinely care about your well-being and contentment or do they hold some pre-conceived expectation of you that you no longer wish to uphold? Sometimes it can go either way, but I am sick of hearing myself and the badass people in my life say “we’re going to figure it out.”

This makes it seem like what you’re doing right now isn’t valuable or transformative or important or badass. Maybe at the moment you’re just traveling, resting, spending time with family, falling in love, in between jobs, sick, working your booty off, in between relationships, I could go on… But each moment and phase matters. They’re essential parts of your journey.

It’s not what you’re going to do or who you’re going to be after this phase. It’s what you’re doing and being right now. It’s allowing yourself to accept and respect that you exist in that space in this moment. What choices did you make to arrive at this moment or phase? What did you sacrifice? How hard did you work for it? How hard did you fall?

I think we come from a society that always asks “What’s next?”. What are you going to do after high school? What will you do this summer? What will you do after college? What do you want your next job to be? We never sit and bask in the fact that we made it to this moment— that we checked the box or figured out that goal wasn’t truly what we wanted. And it’s interesting because in some of the recent conversations I’ve had about what’s next for me, I’ve turned the question back on whoever I’m talking to. I ask, “What are you up to these days?”, and the response has commonly been, “Oh, I’m figuring it out, too.” These conversations have been with people of all ages in different stages of life, and it’s been equally refreshing and disturbing to know that so many of us feel like we’re all just figuring it out. Do we all feel pressure that what we’re doing at this moment isn’t good enough? Can we accept and love the dynamics of life and the fact that “what we want to be (and feel) when we grow up” might constantly change?

I’m going to challenge you to check yourself the next time “I’m just figuring it out” is on the tip of your tongue. What is beautiful about this moment or phase? What are you learning? What aspects of this phase might you be nostalgic for at some point? How can you re-frame the sentiment behind the “what’s next” conversation?

Conversation Starters:

• Does any of this resonate with you? Or am I just way too caught in other people’s opinions still?

• But is there value in feeling guilt or disappointment about your current phase? Could it push you to get out of a funk or change some habits?

Resources/Inspiration/Additional Research:

• “Gentle Reminder: If you feel ‘off track’ please remember there is no ‘track.’ This is your life. It ebbs and flows and twists and halts and speeds up. It all belongs. Stop trying to be… productive and perfect all the time.” -Jamie Varon

• “Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. ‘Finding yourself’ is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.” -Emily McDowell